你和他

六天的假期，过了。
跟家人相距，参加堂姐婚礼，与朋友喝茶聊天，还有机会见到你和他。

为了家人，推完所有与朋友相聚的机会，
跟家人有了一个美好的圣诞，
还有很多顿丰富的晚餐。

哥哥回去读书后，
很庆幸的与你相见；
得知你的近况，聊聊朋友之间的是非；
还有机会与你独处。
很傻的想法我知道，但如果控制的到，又何必让自己辛苦？
也不知该如何接，只因，
你，已有了她。
是意外还是人为的让我知道，不清楚。
就是知道，你，已有了另一个她。
一个让你改变，让你摊开心门的她...
原来不管我多努力，不管我曾经做过什么，
还是不如一个她。
我明白这些事并不能做比较，自己也不是不甘心，
只是，真的连一次机会都没有吗？

同样的一天也遇见了他；我很好，他说。
是上天的玩弄吗？
同一天，倘我遇见你和他。
让自己也弄不清楚，到底心里该是谁。
因为与他的相遇，更让自己久久不能自我。
现在彻彻底底的明白了，当时的他，是什么感受。
我想唯一不一样的是，他比我更能释怀。
如果全世界都消失，没有任何人的批评与解释，
我想他还会是最疼我的那个。
好坏的我，就因为现实，我的自私，
竟然计较，默默然的比较。
让他，失望一次又一次。
同样的，我可以接受你一切的一切，
可以听你一个又一个的故事，
愿意为了你做一切的一切，
但到头来，是什么？

有个念头，不想再回去。
不想回去一个有你有他的地方。
只因我不想再让他伤心，也不想再让自己失望；
不想再让自己有些什么不可能发生的幻想或是假想。
有个朋友说，
如果最美好的回忆已留在心中，
那么再好的选择也只会视而不见。
我想，是时候不要再让自己那么执著了吧？

holiday feeling~

CVS, Cardio-Vascular System,
the subject that i like the most!!!
tomorrow will have an exam on this subject,
and yet, i'm still online-ing~~ hah~

yesterday was so happy...
i'm so lucky that can get my leave during Christmas.
some of my group girls can't get what they request,
but i REALLY REALLY REALLY thank God that, i can get.
coz, i really need to go back,
really need a good REST~
almost 2 month i never back to menglembu,
so miss there~
miss my mama; miss my family; miss my friends; and him~

the other days when i study that time,
i was share some my childhood life time with them.
it make me think back a lot,
reflect back that, how was my life last time~
but then what ever is it, it was pass.
for now what i know is only
i have a lovely mama,
a brother that always SAYANG and support me a lot,
and a handsome JJ~

10 days ago, my college cafeteria was close~
that time only know that,
how important is rice for me.
haiz... that time really difficult to pass
coz i need to solve it out by myself~
those have family here can bring food for them~
those have boyfriend here can bring them out for lunch or dinner~
those have nothing like me,
have maggie mee, indo mee, mee sedap and whatever mee teman us~ haha..

miss my brother, loozen lah...
{weii... if you read this please don't lough,
coz it true, okay?}
coz he really SAYANG me a lot,
although he has a girl friend adi~
every year he will buy me birthday present;
every time come back form Singapore will bring me some present;
when i'm back will bring me out to eat whatever i like;
and a lot~
last time when i still study in school,
when ever i get bully,
he will come and support me;
what ever subject that i don't know,
he will teach me until i knot my head said i understand;
what ever i like to eat,
he will always remember and buy for me~
but now? haiz~~
all this i need to solve it by myself~

I WANT TO GO BACK lah~~

Try To Remember~

Try to remember the kind of September
When life was slow and oh, so mellow;
Try to remember the kind of September
When grass was green and grain was yellow;
Try to remember the kind of September
When you were a tender and callow fellow.
Try to remember, and if you remember, then follow.
Try to remember when life was so tender,
That no one wept except the willow;
Try to remember when life was so tender,
That dreams were kept beside your pillow;
Try to remember when life was so tender,
That love was an ember about to billow.
Try to remember, and if you remember, then follow.
Deep in December, it's nice to remember,
Although you know the snow will follow;
Deep in December, it's nice to remember,
Without a hurt the heart is hollow;
Deep in December, it's nice to remember,
The fire of September that makes us mellow.
Try to remember, and if you remember, then follow.

nice song~
i love this song, coz in contain a lot of memories that they gave me.
no matter September, or December,
no matter happy or sad,
it will always keep deep insede my heart~

November...

十一月，你的月...
我想，没有人会明白，这个月，是让我有多心痛的月。
六年了，你就这样地走了六年。
我以为这一年，我会不哭的；我以为我长大了，但所有都只有我以为...
我很好，努力读书，开心欢笑，知足常乐，努力的过每一天.
唯一不好的，就只有对你的遗憾...
遗憾着，为何当初没有制造与你更多的欢乐回忆？
遗憾着，为何当初不好好记着你帮我庆祝生日时的表情？
好难过...
更难过的，为何我一直记着你躺在那儿一动也不动的表情？
那天与你在梦中的相遇，让我又惊又喜。
可是，我们之间六年没有说过话了，
竟然一时之间不知道如何向你开口说活！
可笑吧？
她问我为什么这几天对她这么凶；
除了难以再忍之外，我想应该对你的思念，
让我无法对外界发泄所造成的吧？
爸爸，你女儿我很好，
只是我那遗失在人间的父爱，
是这一辈子没有任何东西能被代替的...

debase?

i don't know that whether your message on msn is it replying to me or not.
if yes, please make it clear;
if not, please don't disturb.

i never feel that heart pain before.
i know it was pass,
and it was long long long time ago story...
but i do need an explain from you.
Jayee scold me before,
coz it not important to me anymore,
coz you will never tell me your true answer...
"whatever is it, it's already pass for 4 years!"
yah,
i thought that i can forget it...
but i just feel angry
when ever i read your message from msn.
i just feel that i get lie from you...
maybe on your "pm" there is not mean anything for me
but according to my six sense, is for me
you just left out, to L only.
"you know nothing by reading my pm,
we are nothing between us,
make it clear, don't debase yourself"
for me? for her? or for.....?!
maybe i too sensitive?
but after i post my feeling
you post it also...
make me feel that,
you are replying my angry.
if for me,
i feel very disappointed to you
if not for me,
i do hope you understand that,
beside heart broken,
you really give me nothing...

现在的我，应该是躺在床上好好休息的...

不知道为什么，对于J的言语，原来我还是很在意的。
我想J永远都不会知道，J在网上的一句话，可以让我在意好久好久...
真的很讨厌这样的自己。

就快要回来上课了。
心，早已准备好；只是那让人烦恼的procedure，总是让人不能安眠。
这次的实习，让我学会了好多好多；
但也让我好累好累...
一年了，我还有力量支撑下去吗?
有的，会有的，我知道你会支持我的！

他，一直一直和我联系着；
暧昧，总是让人如此的烦恼。
对于他，开始不理不睬了，
只因他总是不明白我要的是什么...

十一月十日就要来了。
我想没有人会明白，这一天对我的重要性有多大吧？
我想，今年应该有机会回家陪你吧？
只因我记得去年，因为时间的关系，我竟然会不到去陪你啊！
六年了，你就这样离开我六年了。
你知道吗？公公的离开，让我想起了你。
我开始讨厌那所医院了，只因它也带走了你呀！
他的离开，你一幕幕的往事出现在我脑海里。
我除了对着自己掉眼泪，我还能做些什么？
你对我的重要性，无人能取代；
我对你的思念，也非一般人能了解！
我知道现在说有些迟了，但我依然想对你说：
我爱你

凌晨一点；今夜选择想你...

我也不懂我到底怎么了，但是今天的我，特别想你。
会回想回我们以前的日子，
在学校四楼；歌咏比赛；吉他练习；
还有你送我叮当的样子...

周杰伦，让我想起你。
想起你曾送过他的歌给我，
想起我们一起唱他的歌的时候；
小叮当，让我忆起你。
想起你送它给我的时候，
想起你的答应你的承诺；
手机，让我讨厌你。
只因你不让它响，
更不懂我那等待的心情。

我知道我们之间是不可能，
但我们之间的默契
要在那里，什么时候才能从别人身上找得回？
时间，终是那么的不通气...
但愿，会有更好的选择出现在你的面前。

my holiday times..

sentosa.

nice?

at siloso beach


orchard rood

China town



Evs & Jessica


front of mirrow, nice?

3 beauty... hahaha...

11天的假期，就这样过完了。
这假期，有愉快的，有难忘的，也有感动的...

假期的第一天，回了学校。
老师们还记得我的名字,
还记得以前我在学校的日子
还问我几时带多个男生会学校，
不要整天一个人孤单单...

周某，我与家人去了新加坡旅行。
这是我第一次出国，感觉好兴奋！
哥哥出国读书，我又在外地求学，
很久很久都没有试过一家人出外地旅行了。
在那儿，吃了不少的美食，去了不少的地方
更参观了哥哥的的大学。
NTU真的很壮观，很漂亮，
好希望有机会也去那儿读书...

旅游回来，参加了旧同学的聚会。
见回了很多的旧同学，谈回了很多往事...
很感动，这么久没有见了，大家还这么好谈。
见回了以前做我隔壁，和我好到不能再好的朋友，
见回了我那班好姐妹，男子组，同班同学...
虽然往事只能回味，但这感觉真的很棒！

隔天，公公进院了。
这几天来他的脚肿得很厉害，
而且有不少得水泡，还会流水的那个。
过后控制不到他的大小便，脚也疼得走不得，所以家人们建议送他进院。
送进医院的那天我在，只因家人们都靠我照顾公公，因为我在读着护士课程。
医生说公公病得很严重，
他的心脏肿了，
肺部进了水，
他的脚是因为Cellulitis...
那天只有我一个人在那陪着他，有点不知所措...
隔天早上，轮到我照顾公公。
医生告诉我说他应该过不到明天...
就在那天下午，他走了..
家人们选择中秋节那天出殡
所以差不多全家人都回家了！

选择这个星期回家，是因为想和家人过中秋
谁知妈妈说那天他必须出席朋友的婚礼，
婆婆也没有庆祝。
还烦恼着那天该找谁和我度过...
因为公公，我过了一个很不一样的中秋
连在新加坡的哥哥，也回来了...

第一次我看到了code blue，学到了不少。
但这次的事件，也让我回想很多爸爸的事。
公公去世的那所医院，也是爸爸去世的医院。
公公做法事的情景，也有点像爸爸那时候。
公公的灵位，也是和爸爸同一座楼。

回家，回学校，旅行，聚会，丧礼，中秋，拾骨灰，回来...
这就是我的假期...

天使街23号
这本书 超赞的！
我想这是第一本小说
会让我读到流泪的吧？
书中的王子与公主
是我梦想的现实生活
让我感动的是
书中的夜和羽
为佑慧所做的一切
都是出自于 爱
虽然最后的结局不会是我要的结局
但它的过程
为对方所做的一切
我想我很难忘记吧？
大家如果有机会
不妨阅读一下这本书吧！

医龙
这也是一部超赞的日本连续剧！
不惜一切的为患者付出
我想这是我身为医疗人员必有的事吧？
看完这部连续剧
我深深地明白到
患者生病时是那么的无助
是那么的需要医生们的帮助
而身为医疗人员
你可以选者袖手旁观
或者尽你所能的帮助
“遇见患者能救却不救，这就是罪。”
我超爱这句话！
所以有机会的话
不妨看看吧！

blue band senior...

四天的工作，让我压力 更大了
开始了解到
原来身为护士
真的不简单
你可以选择全心全意地对病人
也可以选择敷衍了事的对患者
帽子上被加上了蓝带
压力 也变大了
不知不觉 一年了
我在这里生活 已过一年...

倒数25个小时
我就要和这暂时的家说声再见
回到我那再也熟悉不过的家
去见我那思念不尽的家人
去聚我那搞笑古怪的朋友
还有伴我成长的学校
如果可以 我更想见他...
几天后会在新加坡
见见那了解我非常的哥哥
这星期的假期
盼望很久很久了
真的希望
能够好好的享受这一个星期的假期...

谢谢你哦~~

懂得看破的人不会计较
懂得欣赏的人不会妒忌
懂得放下的人不会贪心
懂得开心的人不会生气

这是她对我说的话
事情发生以后
除了想和在吉打的她说之外
就是和她说
今天很庆幸的我有这样的一个机会
为什么那么简单与容易的道理
她一听后就明白
为什么她就不明呢？

是时候自己该反省反省吧？
原来理解一个人并不是那么简单
但为什么她就是那么容易的明白到
我所想地我所担心地...
原来必须相信自己的直觉
因为我自己也不明白为什么会这么想与她诉说
只知道很想找她聊而已
与她聊了以后
心 真的明了很多
谢谢你哦~

泡杯茶
独自品尝回味着甜酸苦辣；
造一条路自己去走
起伏中体会坎坷艰难；
不要埋怨茶好苦
因为苦尽自有甘来；
不要怨路难行
因为坎坷后面还是有朋友支持！

我的内心世界

很想念妈妈...
想不到一向独立的我
会有想念妈妈的时刻

从小
妈妈让我又敬又畏
在她面前我从不流一滴眼泪
从不流出担心或恐慌
所以在她面前
我总是坚强与独立
但在这一年里
我才发觉
她才是我最好的听众
与她诉说了的心事
从不担心会有第二个人知道

前天她的到来
让我感觉到从未有的安心
即使只有那短短的两天
我也心满意足了
离开这里
见到她，见到他们
虽然心事重重
但至少在那时刻
心与思绪
至少可以忘掉不必要的烦恼

原来逃开这里
不是逃避或畏缩
而是需要休息
让那装满烦恼与问题的脑袋
好好的休息
尽管只有那一丁点的时间

好想念万里望
好想念我的家

好想念我那一般姐妹

好想念婆婆的汤...

只要相信

期待就会成真...

相见时难别亦难 东风无力百花残
春蚕到死丝方尽 蜡炬成灰泪始干
晓镜但愁云鬓改 夜吟应觉月光寒
蓬山此去无多路 青鸟殷勤为探看

《无题》李商隐

只想分享这首诗
对我来说
它是很特别
它的含义
很合我心意
但愿在这世上
还会有这样的一个人
有这样的想法...

几天的绵绵细雨 适合我的心情
那天与她们对话 让我了解了许多
当你难过而快乐的是你的敌人
当你难过而难过的是你的朋友
她用深奥的语气对我说。

原来我的心已开始慢慢的被打开
原来我的敏感度开始有一点的增加
原来我对自己还是有点不了解

“一觉醒来，
你的脑海里有多少负面的看法？
你又有多少正面的看法？
这就是人生。”另一个她说。
但我每一天都很感激
{至少我的舍友知道}
感激上天让我有这么精彩的一天
无论有多少的不愉快
尽管发生了挣扎
不管彼此之间有多少的猜测
我想
可能是老天给我的考验吧？

你有试着了解我吗？
只因我还蛮了解你的
原来破碎的心
无论如何努力的补救
都宣判无效
但有人说过
只要努力 期待就会成真啊
不过就算成功补救了
破碎的心还会有裂痕吧？
难道我不是吗？
原来了解我的是她不是你
至少 她还会关心我
至少 她不会冷落我
对呀 给你说中
你不开口我不开口
可是我开口了 又怎样？
那天的我是用了多大的勇气你可懂？
你知道的 我的逃避与接受能力

但我相信
有那么的一天
彼此的心结会被打开

yesterday was history
tomorrow is mystery
today is a gift

a beautiful day

finally i can stop cry-ing...
flora came and talk to me
it make me feel better
and i really cool down

flora told me that no need to keep on cry because of her
because both of us also wrong
if i continue like that
she will feel more frustrated
i told her that i cry because i feel so sorry to her
she told me that
it's already pass
it's over and
is enough for me
yah,
i know that i cannot continue like this
because she need time to cool down like me
i kept on cry just because i hope that she can forgive me
but i know that it can't happen within 1 or 2 days time

today angel said i look more beauty
coz yesterday and before that i was sooo ugly
i asked her back is it talk about my hand writing?
coz i need to use left hand to write...
she keep quiet and "haiz....."
but hehe...
of cause i understand what she mean....

really need thanks to you all that helping me
last time
i wish to become a good nurse to nurse my patient
but now
i am the patient
who are in pain
cannot sleep at night
immobility
and need to depend on others a lot
i start to understand that
nursing patient really need to be very sensitive
need to observe what they need before they ask help from you
coz sometime patient also don't know that
actually a lot of thing they all cannot do by them self...

today during lecture i was feel sooo uncomfortable
because of my arm sling
it make my neck almost drop down on the table
and my shoulder on and off pain and numb
some more my hand writing become sooooo ugly.....
haiz....
never mind lah
as long as i still have my lovely friend teman me
i know i can pass it one. :p

pain...

yesterday couldn't sleep
coz my shoulder pain start
i think because of the sedation and pain killer really gone off
that's why the pain come
and make me feel uncomfortable the whole night
i don't know which position is most suitable for me
but i cannot turn coz the arm sling is there
the only thing that i can do is just lying there with my open eye
i don't know when i slept
just know that my arm keep on numb and pain
until 8 something jo sms me
asked me tell her when i need help
i really need help
with my numb and pain shoulder
i can't do anything
even though brush my teeth
lucky flora came and help me make coffee
coz i need to take my pain killer
flora told me that jo was bathing
i thanks to her said this to me
coz i was sms jo but not flora came to help me
if not i will think that she don't want to see me anymore....

here, i need to say a very special
THANK YOU to ANGEL
if not
i think yesterday the thing that i can do
just sit there and cry
i said i wanted wash my hair
she help me to wash my hair
i said i wanted wash my cloth
she help me to brush my cloth
i said i hungry
she help me to order dinner
she scare i alone
so she teman me watch movie
she scare i cry again
so she keep on talking
she saw i slept adi
so she never wake me up and let me rest
i'm GLAD that i have this sister
yesterday no matter what
she was there and ready to help
i just cry at any time
coz jo still angry me
but she just sit beside me
THANK GOD she never leave me behind


but i was so bad that i never say sorry to her
coz she angry also
ANGEL TAN
my dear sister
i'm so soory that i make you sad and disappointed
i'm thank you soooo much that no matter what
you still beside me
as i said
you are not only my friend
but you are my sister
thank you for every thing
and jo,
please forgive me
i'm sooooooooooo sorry to both of you


flora, thanks for helping me!

dislocation

today i cried, non-stop for the whole morning
coz i was make my friend so angry and disappointed.

yesterday I accidentally make my shoulder dislocated
i was so scare and pain
my family was no beside me
i thought i was alone.
thanks God that three of them never leave me at the hospital
Jo, angel and flora was waited me and send me back to hostel.
what happen last night i was forget.
i just remember a bit that
Jo advice me to call my mum,
and if i not miss taken,
i cried again coz i don't want my mum know.
some more i remember that i heard miss kath voice,
doctor asked me wanted mc or not....
the rest,
i don't know what's going on....
really, i don't know how i came back to college,
i don't know that last night i was hungry until make milo by myself
the worst part is i don't that i cannot take out my arm sling...

this morning when i wake up
just feel that wanna to take a bath.
i change the cloth by myself,
i make breakfast by myself,
and i prepare to attend to class.
when i decided to attend class was 7.40 already
coz today had 4 hour of Respiratory
and i have a lot of question to ask my friend about last night.
but they start to don't want talk to me
and i knew that i was make a wrong decision
that's is attend to class.
i start to worry a lot of things
with my arm sling
i don't know how to change my cloth
i don't know how to wash my cloth
i don't know how wash my hair
i don't know how to take my meal.....
a lot and a lot...
some more yesterday was my first time under sedation
and had been set up IV line
really feel like wanna cry.....

jing jing told me that miss kath wanted to see me
i took all my medication and went to see her
she asked how am i
feeling pain or getting better?
that time i was soo sad
coz i don't know how to go on my daily activities it my arm sling
i started cried and she asked where are my room-mate
i told her that all of them were went back home
she asked how about jo and angel
i told her that they might going out
if no raining
she asked me whether i take my lunch adi or not
i told her that i haven
she started angry and said wanted to take lunch for me
i rejected coz i'm not that useless until needed tutor take lunch for me.
then she said wanted to see jo
i asked her please don't do like that
coz i knew that she will scold her
then siew loon was pass by and she asked her call jo came down
i don't know what i need to do at that time
coz i know that miss kath is very important for jo
if miss kath scold her just because of me
i know that she will hate and angry me...
but miss kath just asked me go for my lunch....
i know that she will not forgive me
coz tutor was scold her
but actually she was arrange all the things for me....
until just now i read her blog only know that
she and angel already all the things for me
already help me to think that how to solve the problem that i'll face
but i still complain to tutor that i'm being ignore
she was worry and angry with me
coz i never tell them that i'll attend the class
so she choose don't want to talk to me
coz she scare that later she will scold me

i'm always think that i was alone
coz i don't like depend too much on other
or give trouble to other
i scare that when i depend too much
suddenly when they damn me
i really don't know how
so i love to do and solve all my things by myself
yesterday i was felt so sorry to them
coz i gave trouble to them
but this time
i'm wrong
coz i have a gang of friend
who never leave me behind
and yet i still miss understand them
i am so sorry for what i did today
but i know that no matter how many thousand time i said sorry to her
is useless
bad person, i am
soooo sorry....

siew yeng,
i am so soory to you...
really..
i'm not purposely make you angry
i really don't know what happen last night
SORRY
MY DEAR FRIEND...

long time don't have write blog adi...
last few days he sms me
and asked help from me...
i was so surprise that
he wanted my help
so i just offer him that i willing to help
but the thing that he wanted me to do was
asked me explain to his gf that
me and him are have nothing.
he gave me his gf name,
gave me his gf hp no.
and so on..
just wanted me explain to his gf that
both of us are have nothing
this is because his gf miss understand us
thought that me and him still contact to each other
and still have feeling on each other
he told me that she is very important to him
he can't let her go off from his life
yah,
since she soooo important to him
i just help him to explain to her
before that jayee already told me that
better don't do anything for them
because this is non of my business
yah, but.. soooo
this was my last time to help him
and really need to say good bye to him
his gf told me that
actually is not my problem
because she still can feel that he is still thinking of me
she don't like him have relationship with her just because of me
coz he cannot get me....
i asked him back why treated his gf so bad
and he said that is enough for him
he feel tired and don't want me to sms her any more.
i don't know am i right or not
but at least for a friend
i have done my part
this time
i really need to say good bye to you
if not
is i myself getting hurt and sad
good bye , Beh Hooi Chang.

on block

back to on block adi...
my semester 3 is start
and after 6 week
i will going out posting with my BLUE band adi...
every things come soooo fast.
haiz...
in front of me have a lot of assignment...
walau... feel like sleeping when looking them
except my CVS (Cardio Vascular System )assignment!!!

being emo...
don't know why feel happy when he sms me back
although he keep on telling me about he and his girl friend problem
although he never ask me how am i recently
but i still feel free and happy when he sms me
maybe toooo stress at here
and very looong time never play like that through the phone gua....
he is not my cup of tea
just missing the time when we at school....

need to try my best in semester 3
just feel this way
but i'm waiting Miss Kath booster lah
unfortunately she never give
but giving slide show...
what to do
force myself to study loh~~~

失去，才懂得珍惜？

杯子寂寞
被人倒进开水
滚烫的感觉
杯子向这就是恋爱的感觉
水变温了
杯子便也觉得很舒服
它想这就是生活的感觉
水变凉了
杯子有些害怕
也许这就是怕失去的感觉
水彻底的变凉了
杯子很难受
便想把水倒出来...
水终于被倒出来
杯子感觉到很舒服，
但当杯子不小心掉在地上摔成碎片的那一刻
它猛然间的发现
每一片碎片上居然还留有水的痕迹
这时它才明白原来自己还是很爱水的
于是它想再完整地爱一次水
但却已经是不可能的
难道
一切的一切都只有到了失去才懂得
珍惜?

regret

regret?
yaup, a bit....
yesterday i sms her that only know
actually he treat her very good
coz he never call me before
maybe it just a friendship call
but i know is not
coz he asked me before:
what she like?
what present am i suppose to give her?
few days before she cried to me
though the phone
cry until can't talk
coz someone humiliate her
and i scold him never protect her
coz he is the leader for that drama
me and him
i think a month never talk adi
from i told him that i treat him actually more than friendship
few days before we sms back
it just because of her
yah,
i'm the one said wnat to help her
but why
now i'm the one who regret?
i know that me and him is never
and ever together
i know myself already put down
it just
no so happy that
he never know how special is him inside my heart.

really don't know how to start....
yesterday i was so surprise that
he sms me back
he talk to me back
he told me that
he has a girl friend adi...
he said that his girl friend know me
know about our story when we were at secondary school
so now,
his girl friend has some miss understanding between me and him
unfortunately i don't know who is his girl friend
i really don't know what to do
but i'm sooo happy that he has a girl friend adi
really happy
coz i was make him sooooo sad and down the last whole year.
i do admit that he was treated me very good
but he just not my cup of tea
Beh, thanks
thank you forgive what i did to you last time...

next week is my last week posting in clinical area
after that
need to back to college and start my semester 3
yesterday night i had a meeting with my group girl
coz a lot of assignment waiting us to finish it
and my leader choose me to be GI leader
i afraid that i cannot do it well
coz i know that i'm not a good leader
but i do admit that i'm a good follower!!
yah,
a lot of assignment
all is about diseases
need to explain how is action of the drug
how is the pathophysiology
how is the clinical manifestation
and the worst part is
we need to be finish it before we all back to on block
it mean
we still have one week time to finish it
in this moment
i'm suppose study-ing for my pre-test
i'm suppose preparing for my assignment
not online-ing
but i'm soo sorry
i brain really cannot be function now...
i know that i cannot be sooooo emo and soooo easy get affect by others
but... haiz...
i promise
i will try my best
i really will try my best to finish all the thing

next week will go back to ipoh
but need to come back earlier
coz have meeting before we all start back to class
mummy said better don't come back
try to rest and finish assignment on that time
for me,
if last time,
sure i will agree
but this time
i cannot
coz i don't know
when will the next holiday come to let me back to ipoh
although just 2 days
no, not enough 2 days also
but i still need to go back
need to charged my battery before semester 3 start
feel like crying
coz i really don't like this...

holiday

last week, i was went back to my lovely sweet home.
i miss my mummy,
i miss my both brother,
i miss menglembu,
i miss nice food at ipoh.
but only 2 days...
yah, but nevermind lah,
2 days, better than don't have.
i was so touch when i at home.
eventhough i haven reach home,
my lovely brother adi did something that i felt touch.
he was waiting me at the bus stop there
waiting to help me carry my things
waiting to take me home.
maybe others feel nothing for this
but for me is different.
mummy was on leave on last saturday
coz she said she long time never shopping with me
so last saturday
she was brought me and my brother went out shopping and eat nice food
she know that i miss seafood so she brought to eat seafood
she know that i wish to buy some books to read so brought me to shopping
i was sooooo touch
really don't know how to express my feeling

yesterday i was took my result adi
happy? sad? don't know
i really don't know...
my GPA was 3.3
many people was less than this
but also have a lot people higher than me.
however, sem 1 than time i was 3.5
so.... i also don't know how...
but i very glad that i get all my procedure sign
i really glad that i have a good CI at ORKID ward
thanks you CI

just now meeting with my group girls
talking about assigment
a lot of assigment is coming
and all need to be done before we all on block
but i wish to go back on next saturday
i know i cannot be self fish
but like what she said
if you never treat yourself good
no body will pity you
i'm so sorry my dear group girl...

realize something
guys,
is not important for me anymore
think of them also feel tired
don't know why will be like that...
but i do admit
i miss HIM
i miss him a lot
last saturday i saw him at pasar malam
but he just act like dosen see me
just walk off like that
but i never angry
coz he is special for me
coz i'm the one who reject him
coz i'm the one who make him sad....

my best friend~~

yesterday, two of my friends fight with each other.
i just quiet myself,
coz both of them are very important to me.
i don't want just because i help either one of them,
then the other will angry.

jocelyn chai,
the people who understand me,
the people who make me can face to myself,
make me face to the second loo chi hwa.
she will always understand me the other way of thinking
this thinking was kept inside my heart for 17 years
because i am chinese educated
i train to be respect and patient since i was young
but her
make my brave enough to face myself,
face the other site of loo.

angel tan,
the people who take care
and love me the most in this college.
she will take me to enjoy nice food
borrow nice story books for me
and share every thing with me
i touch and happy
coz in my 17 years life
i don't have sister or even a friend treat me like so good
and she is not onlybmy friend
but is my sister

but two of them fight
and cannot tolerate each other
last night i cannot slept
this morning i cannot concentrate my work
i just thinking thinking and thinking how to help them
but i just can doing nothing
and be quiet
hope that
they will be friend again

and i believe that
if you treat others good,
no matter they all appreciate or not
the GOD will know.
yaup,
thank you
thank you help me when i have problem
thank you heard me when i need help
really,
thanks.

dream...

have a lot of things need to say
but don't know how to start.
recently a friend ask a question like this:
will you regret for this three yeras?
some of my friend said that,
they will never regret for it.
some of them said that,
joining this cause because had no chooice.
for me,
i don't know.
yaup,
my dream is to be a nurse when i was 13 years old.
friends who know me,
they will know that why i wanted to join nursing when i was 13.
i feel like want to take good care of them,
give love to them,
and be patient to them.
no matter how fussy they are,
how unreasonable they are,
i still feel like,
i am helping them.
after one year at here,
i realize a lot.
nursing field
is not that easy as you think.
it may look like angel for patient
it may look like friendly for others
only when you step into this field
you will only know how is it life
maybe this call social life.
but for me
being a nurse is cannot like this.
anything happen
just judge without understanding
yes,
i admit that i'm regret
because it out of my imagination
that's why i told my friend that
dream is not equal to future.
BUT I'LL NEVER GIVE UP!!
COZ BEING A NURSE WILL BE PART OF MY LIFE
MY FUTURE WILL BE WEARING WHITE UNIFORM FOR MY WHOLE LIFE
it just
before become a staff nurse
you really need to sacrefice a lot.
i know that this 3 years journey is a very hard time for me
but...
i will continue to fight for it!!!

遗弃

没错，复杂的心，就是现在的我.
我只想说，
你让我，有点失望。
我不知道为何那天的对话会被中断，
也不明白为何你就像断了线的风筝，
让我不知你的去向。
也许我想得太多了吧？
只因我们对彼此的认识，
就只有那么一丁点。
在生气自己让你了解我太多了吗？
还是在担心你的突然失踪？
真的好想好想知道，
到底，
这是什么一回事...
我并不喜欢这样，
让我有一种被遗弃的感觉。

friend b'day but was my bad day...

yesterday was not my day...
i was bad luck for the one whole day...
but still need to say to her:
JOCELYN CHAI
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY!!!! (coz yesterday was her birthday)

yaup,
back to my story...
early in the morning needed to wake up early
coz had appoitment with Doctor Chu,
see him to treat my lips.
as usual, WAIT
wait was okay for me....
the thing that i cannot accept is,
doctor said i need start to stop take SPICY FOOD
and also the food that will make my lips sensitive one,
like AJINAMOTO...
sad... coz food without spicy
i will die...
but for my lips,
haiz.... just tahan for 2 weeks lah... what to do?

after that,
the medicine that doctor gave me is stronger than before adi....
the cream that he gave me to apply is fuccidin..
it make me feel bitter to all the food while i eating
or even drinking...
sad..
the person who LOVE to eat,
now taste what food also bitter....

then,
need to write EXPLAINATION LETTER to tutor
coz i never get approve and sign from tutor...
but the thing is,
i was refere to specialist doctor
and the appoitment date was on morning but i was noon shiff...
i really don't know that need to get sign from tutor...
but she just don't want to listen...
pitty...
whatever food i ate already tastless...
somemore now need to write letter....
i know it is not a big deal,
write a piece of letter only mah...
but it do make me feel so bad
coz feel like i have discipline promblem...

next,
my SC was fly away....
i thought i was lucky
coz my team got SC
but the patient was went to AOR leave at 4pm
so...
my procedure just fly away in front of me~~~

after then,
my white colour uniform was kenal some stain...
at the back of mytrouser...
although that time was washed off a bit
but just feel uncomfortable loh...

haiz... my bad day.
but something make me felt a bit lucky on yesterday
was saw him at cafeteria.
he was just sititng oppisite from my place,
make me so nervous ^-^

off day

today is my off day...
long time never blogging adi...
haiz... coz busy in working
and also facebook-ing

tomorroe will serving medication with CI,
quite "jing zhang"....
coz i need to know all the medication name,
indication of the medicine,
and also have any site effect...
but unfortunately
i'm not the person who LOVE to memorize things....
don't know which way will CI choose for me to die....
in the ward,
i had a lot of chance to give injection.
until now,
i already gave 3 times.
i think,
i am more confident in giving injection adi... (although i haven get even 1 sign)

raning now...
same with my mood.
not sad but moody.
maybe off day too boring for me...
maybe keep on checking the indication of the medicine...
or maybe thinking for someone...
don't know,
have no answer....

last night was received his sms.
feel..... shock.
never think that he will sms me.
but it just a forward message,
am i think too much?
coz he just send me one and only one forward message,
but no concern...
ya...
we are different now,
i know...

today know more about a friend through msn-ing.
and i was broke my priciple
by gave him know more about me...
abnormal, i know...
but i trust him...
maybe is the time for me to break down my "wall"
and not always think that
friend will always betray me...
ya,
maybe i should do it.

再见，我的3个他

一个月内，我失去了三个对我重要的人。
一个我爱的他，
一个爱我的他，
一个我最相信的他。

他，使我冷静的脑袋不再冷静。
他对他自己的缺点介意，
而我却完全能接受。
我对自己没有信心，
而他的鼓励却让我重拾信心。
他对我来说，
意义非凡。
如今的我们，
因为我的冲动，
变成普通到不能再普通的朋友...

他，完全对我包容忍耐。
重来不需要任何表示，
他完全明白我的感受。
可是他的花心与胆小，
让我一再犹豫。
如今的我们，
挽回不了当年的感情，
也继续不了以后的友谊。

他，是我最相信的朋友。
不管是什么理由让我难过，
不管以前发生任何事件，
我都相信他。
觉得与他的友谊，
是真与实在。
一个误会，
让我们多年的友谊画上了问号。
如今的我们，
不再有任何联系。

一个月内，
因为我的冲动，
因为我的无奈，
因为我的误解，
我失去了这三个对我重要的人。
你，
陪我成长，
随我难过，
听我埋怨，
伴我寂寞...
如今，
一切的一切，
不再属于我。

看不见你的笑我怎么睡得着
你的声音这么近我却抱不到
没有地球 太阳还是会绕
没有理由 我也能自己走
你要离开 我知道很简单
你说依赖 是我们的阻碍
就算放开 但能不能别没收我的爱
当作我最后才 明白

i don't know why i will feel so angry after i read his status
"Sandy Wan Ka Ying, where are you now? i miss you..."
"use 4 years ti love someone,
can use back 4 years to forget her?"
"yan, i miss you so much..."
all this was APPER on his status before.
i really don't know why i'm so angry,
not to her, but to him.
i feel like he is cheating me all the while...
4 years before,
27/9/2005 ~ 11/10/2005
you are special to me.
you teach me everythings
but you never teach me how to forget...
because of you,
i fobia to have relationship with others
although i had feeling on other
but i cannot do anything on it...
coz i scare.
maybe like jonathan said,
all this was pass
no use to wait or ask you anymore...
but you really hurt me,
really....

walalala...
semester 2 already finish!!!
today was my first day wearing my green band
go out to the college and work at clinical area.
scare...
but then we all very lucky,
first day posting already had a lot of procedure for us
and of cause
i did one of the procedure,
give IM injection!!!
walau...
from prepare until inject patient,
my hand was very shaky...
but then staff keep on gave confident to me,
so,
my first time was success lah~~~

so,
now i start back my working life
need to get sign for a lot of procedure...
need to do night shiff...
need to write journal...
need to practise procedure in skill lab...
so miss my family.

semester 3 is coming soon
i'm glad that Miss Kath still is my tutor in charge for my sem 3
coz for me
if no Miss Kath and Miss Liew
67 is cannot function...
she said this time she will do the grouping
which mean my group will be seperate soon...
i think is good for my group girl,
coz this is the only way can make all of us
cooperate and help each other
but not just help their gang only...

in semester 2,
i really learn a lot...
i start to understand that why Miss Kath said
study here you will give all your sweet, your tear and your blood...
so far i haven bleed,
but i really sweet a lot, and cry...
i'm not a person who easily to cry,
but here, really make me cry,
and broke down...
now i more understand myself,
i know what i want,
and i know what to do for next.
i learn don't be so negative thinking,
don't be so easy get influence by others
and don't be so stingy~~~~ (haha...)
yah, thanks for all my friend here,
really, thanks.