dislocation

today i cried, non-stop for the whole morning
coz i was make my friend so angry and disappointed.

yesterday I accidentally make my shoulder dislocated
i was so scare and pain
my family was no beside me
i thought i was alone.
thanks God that three of them never leave me at the hospital
Jo, angel and flora was waited me and send me back to hostel.
what happen last night i was forget.
i just remember a bit that
Jo advice me to call my mum,
and if i not miss taken,
i cried again coz i don't want my mum know.
some more i remember that i heard miss kath voice,
doctor asked me wanted mc or not....
the rest,
i don't know what's going on....
really, i don't know how i came back to college,
i don't know that last night i was hungry until make milo by myself
the worst part is i don't that i cannot take out my arm sling...

this morning when i wake up
just feel that wanna to take a bath.
i change the cloth by myself,
i make breakfast by myself,
and i prepare to attend to class.
when i decided to attend class was 7.40 already
coz today had 4 hour of Respiratory
and i have a lot of question to ask my friend about last night.
but they start to don't want talk to me
and i knew that i was make a wrong decision
that's is attend to class.
i start to worry a lot of things
with my arm sling
i don't know how to change my cloth
i don't know how to wash my cloth
i don't know how wash my hair
i don't know how to take my meal.....
a lot and a lot...
some more yesterday was my first time under sedation
and had been set up IV line
really feel like wanna cry.....

jing jing told me that miss kath wanted to see me
i took all my medication and went to see her
she asked how am i
feeling pain or getting better?
that time i was soo sad
coz i don't know how to go on my daily activities it my arm sling
i started cried and she asked where are my room-mate
i told her that all of them were went back home
she asked how about jo and angel
i told her that they might going out
if no raining
she asked me whether i take my lunch adi or not
i told her that i haven
she started angry and said wanted to take lunch for me
i rejected coz i'm not that useless until needed tutor take lunch for me.
then she said wanted to see jo
i asked her please don't do like that
coz i knew that she will scold her
then siew loon was pass by and she asked her call jo came down
i don't know what i need to do at that time
coz i know that miss kath is very important for jo
if miss kath scold her just because of me
i know that she will hate and angry me...
but miss kath just asked me go for my lunch....
i know that she will not forgive me
coz tutor was scold her
but actually she was arrange all the things for me....
until just now i read her blog only know that
she and angel already all the things for me
already help me to think that how to solve the problem that i'll face
but i still complain to tutor that i'm being ignore
she was worry and angry with me
coz i never tell them that i'll attend the class
so she choose don't want to talk to me
coz she scare that later she will scold me

i'm always think that i was alone
coz i don't like depend too much on other
or give trouble to other
i scare that when i depend too much
suddenly when they damn me
i really don't know how
so i love to do and solve all my things by myself
yesterday i was felt so sorry to them
coz i gave trouble to them
but this time
i'm wrong
coz i have a gang of friend
who never leave me behind
and yet i still miss understand them
i am so sorry for what i did today
but i know that no matter how many thousand time i said sorry to her
is useless
bad person, i am
soooo sorry....

siew yeng,
i am so soory to you...
really..
i'm not purposely make you angry
i really don't know what happen last night
SORRY
MY DEAR FRIEND...