Monday, August 31, 2009

我的内心世界

很想念妈妈...
想不到一向独立的我
会有想念妈妈的时刻

从小
妈妈让我又敬又畏
在她面前我从不流一滴眼泪
从不流出担心或恐慌
所以在她面前
我总是坚强与独立
但在这一年里
我才发觉
她才是我最好的听众
与她诉说了的心事
从不担心会有第二个人知道

前天她的到来
让我感觉到从未有的安心
即使只有那短短的两天
我也心满意足了
离开这里
见到她,见到他们
虽然心事重重
但至少在那时刻
心与思绪
至少可以忘掉不必要的烦恼

原来逃开这里
不是逃避或畏缩
而是需要休息
让那装满烦恼与问题的脑袋
好好的休息
尽管只有那一丁点的时间

好想念万里望
好想念我的家
好想念我那一般姐妹
好想念婆婆的汤...
只要相信
期待就会成真...

Sunday, August 30, 2009

相见时难别亦难 东风无力百花残
春蚕到死丝方尽 蜡炬成灰泪始干
晓镜但愁云鬓改 夜吟应觉月光寒
蓬山此去无多路 青鸟殷勤为探看

《无题》李商隐

只想分享这首诗
对我来说
它是很特别
它的含义
很合我心意
但愿在这世上
还会有这样的一个人
有这样的想法...

Friday, August 28, 2009

几天的绵绵细雨 适合我的心情
那天与她们对话 让我了解了许多
当你难过而快乐的是你的敌人
当你难过而难过的是你的朋友
她用深奥的语气对我说。

原来我的心已开始慢慢的被打开
原来我的敏感度开始有一点的增加
原来我对自己还是有点不了解

“一觉醒来,
你的脑海里有多少负面的看法?
你又有多少正面的看法?
这就是人生。”另一个她说。
但我每一天都很感激
{至少我的舍友知道}
感激上天让我有这么精彩的一天
无论有多少的不愉快
尽管发生了挣扎
不管彼此之间有多少的猜测
我想
可能是老天给我的考验吧?

你有试着了解我吗?
只因我还蛮了解你的
原来破碎的心
无论如何努力的补救
都宣判无效
但有人说过
只要努力 期待就会成真啊
不过就算成功补救了
破碎的心还会有裂痕吧?
难道我不是吗?
原来了解我的是她不是你
至少 她还会关心我
至少 她不会冷落我
对呀 给你说中
你不开口我不开口
可是我开口了 又怎样?
那天的我是用了多大的勇气你可懂?
你知道的 我的逃避与接受能力

但我相信
有那么的一天
彼此的心结会被打开

Thursday, August 27, 2009

yesterday was history
tomorrow is mystery
today is a gift

Monday, August 24, 2009

a beautiful day

finally i can stop cry-ing...
flora came and talk to me
it make me feel better
and i really cool down

flora told me that no need to keep on cry because of her
because both of us also wrong
if i continue like that
she will feel more frustrated
i told her that i cry because i feel so sorry to her
she told me that
it's already pass
it's over and
is enough for me
yah,
i know that i cannot continue like this
because she need time to cool down like me
i kept on cry just because i hope that she can forgive me
but i know that it can't happen within 1 or 2 days time

today angel said i look more beauty
coz yesterday and before that i was sooo ugly
i asked her back is it talk about my hand writing?
coz i need to use left hand to write...
she keep quiet and "haiz....."
but hehe...
of cause i understand what she mean....

really need thanks to you all that helping me
last time
i wish to become a good nurse to nurse my patient
but now
i am the patient
who are in pain
cannot sleep at night
immobility
and need to depend on others a lot
i start to understand that
nursing patient really need to be very sensitive
need to observe what they need before they ask help from you
coz sometime patient also don't know that
actually a lot of thing they all cannot do by them self...

today during lecture i was feel sooo uncomfortable
because of my arm sling
it make my neck almost drop down on the table
and my shoulder on and off pain and numb
some more my hand writing become sooooo ugly.....
haiz....
never mind lah
as long as i still have my lovely friend teman me
i know i can pass it one. :p

Sunday, August 23, 2009

pain...

yesterday couldn't sleep
coz my shoulder pain start
i think because of the sedation and pain killer really gone off

that's why the pain come
and make me feel uncomfortable the whole night
i don't know which position is most suitable for me
but i cannot turn coz the arm sling is there
the only thing that i can do is just lying there with my open eye
i don't know when i slept
just know that my arm keep on numb and pain
until 8 something jo sms me
asked me tell her when i need help
i really need help
with my numb and pain shoulder
i can't do anything
even though brush my teeth
lucky flora came and help me make coffee
coz i need to take my pain killer
flora told me that jo was bathing
i thanks to her said this to me
coz i was sms jo but not flora came to help me
if not i will think that she don't want to see me anymore....

here, i need to say a very special
THANK YOU to ANGEL
if not
i think yesterday the thing that i can do
just sit there and cry
i said i wanted wash my hair
she help me to wash my hair
i said i wanted wash my cloth
she help me to brush my cloth
i said i hungry
she help me to order dinner
she scare i alone
so she teman me watch movie
she scare i cry again
so she keep on talking
she saw i slept adi
so she never wake me up and let me rest
i'm GLAD that i have this sister
yesterday no matter what
she was there and ready to help
i just cry at any time
coz jo still angry me
but she just sit beside me
THANK GOD she never leave me behind


but i was so bad that i never say sorry to her
coz she angry also
ANGEL TAN
my dear sister
i'm so soory that i make you sad and disappointed
i'm thank you soooo much that no matter what
you still beside me
as i said
you are not only my friend
but you are my sister
thank you for every thing
and jo,
please forgive me
i'm sooooooooooo sorry to both of you


flora, thanks for helping me!



Saturday, August 22, 2009

dislocation

today i cried, non-stop for the whole morning
coz i was make my friend so angry and disappointed.

yesterday I accidentally make my shoulder dislocated
i was so scare and pain
my family was no beside me
i thought i was alone.
thanks God that three of them never leave me at the hospital
Jo, angel and flora was waited me and send me back to hostel.
what happen last night i was forget.
i just remember a bit that
Jo advice me to call my mum,
and if i not miss taken,
i cried again coz i don't want my mum know.
some more i remember that i heard miss kath voice,
doctor asked me wanted mc or not....
the rest,
i don't know what's going on....
really, i don't know how i came back to college,
i don't know that last night i was hungry until make milo by myself
the worst part is i don't that i cannot take out my arm sling...

this morning when i wake up
just feel that wanna to take a bath.
i change the cloth by myself,
i make breakfast by myself,
and i prepare to attend to class.
when i decided to attend class was 7.40 already
coz today had 4 hour of Respiratory
and i have a lot of question to ask my friend about last night.
but they start to don't want talk to me
and i knew that i was make a wrong decision
that's is attend to class.
i start to worry a lot of things
with my arm sling
i don't know how to change my cloth
i don't know how to wash my cloth
i don't know how wash my hair
i don't know how to take my meal.....
a lot and a lot...
some more yesterday was my first time under sedation
and had been set up IV line
really feel like wanna cry.....

jing jing told me that miss kath wanted to see me
i took all my medication and went to see her
she asked how am i
feeling pain or getting better?
that time i was soo sad
coz i don't know how to go on my daily activities it my arm sling
i started cried and she asked where are my room-mate
i told her that all of them were went back home
she asked how about jo and angel
i told her that they might going out
if no raining
she asked me whether i take my lunch adi or not
i told her that i haven
she started angry and said wanted to take lunch for me
i rejected coz i'm not that useless until needed tutor take lunch for me.
then she said wanted to see jo
i asked her please don't do like that
coz i knew that she will scold her
then siew loon was pass by and she asked her call jo came down
i don't know what i need to do at that time
coz i know that miss kath is very important for jo
if miss kath scold her just because of me
i know that she will hate and angry me...
but miss kath just asked me go for my lunch....
i know that she will not forgive me
coz tutor was scold her
but actually she was arrange all the things for me....
until just now i read her blog only know that
she and angel already all the things for me
already help me to think that how to solve the problem that i'll face
but i still complain to tutor that i'm being ignore
she was worry and angry with me
coz i never tell them that i'll attend the class
so she choose don't want to talk to me
coz she scare that later she will scold me

i'm always think that i was alone
coz i don't like depend too much on other
or give trouble to other
i scare that when i depend too much
suddenly when they damn me
i really don't know how
so i love to do and solve all my things by myself
yesterday i was felt so sorry to them
coz i gave trouble to them
but this time
i'm wrong
coz i have a gang of friend
who never leave me behind
and yet i still miss understand them
i am so sorry for what i did today
but i know that no matter how many thousand time i said sorry to her
is useless
bad person, i am
soooo sorry....

siew yeng,
i am so soory to you...
really..
i'm not purposely make you angry
i really don't know what happen last night
SORRY
MY DEAR FRIEND...

Thursday, August 20, 2009

long time don't have write blog adi...
last few days he sms me
and asked help from me...
i was so surprise that
he wanted my help
so i just offer him that i willing to help
but the thing that he wanted me to do was
asked me explain to his gf that
me and him are have nothing.
he gave me his gf name,
gave me his gf hp no.
and so on..
just wanted me explain to his gf that
both of us are have nothing
this is because his gf miss understand us
thought that me and him still contact to each other
and still have feeling on each other
he told me that she is very important to him
he can't let her go off from his life
yah,
since she soooo important to him
i just help him to explain to her
before that jayee already told me that
better don't do anything for them
because this is non of my business
yah, but.. soooo
this was my last time to help him
and really need to say good bye to him
his gf told me that
actually is not my problem
because she still can feel that he is still thinking of me
she don't like him have relationship with her just because of me
coz he cannot get me....
i asked him back why treated his gf so bad
and he said that is enough for him
he feel tired and don't want me to sms her any more.
i don't know am i right or not
but at least for a friend
i have done my part
this time
i really need to say good bye to you
if not
is i myself getting hurt and sad
good bye , Beh Hooi Chang.

Monday, August 10, 2009

on block

back to on block adi...
my semester 3 is start
and after 6 week
i will going out posting with my BLUE band adi...
every things come soooo fast.
haiz...
in front of me have a lot of assignment...
walau... feel like sleeping when looking them
except my CVS (Cardio Vascular System )assignment!!!

being emo...
don't know why feel happy when he sms me back
although he keep on telling me about he and his girl friend problem
although he never ask me how am i recently
but i still feel free and happy when he sms me
maybe toooo stress at here
and very looong time never play like that through the phone gua....
he is not my cup of tea
just missing the time when we at school....

need to try my best in semester 3
just feel this way
but i'm waiting Miss Kath booster lah
unfortunately she never give
but giving slide show...
what to do
force myself to study loh~~~


Wednesday, August 5, 2009

失去,才懂得珍惜?

杯子寂寞
被人倒进开水
滚烫的感觉
杯子向这就是恋爱的感觉
水变温了
杯子便也觉得很舒服
它想这就是生活的感觉
水变凉了
杯子有些害怕
也许这就是怕失去的感觉
水彻底的变凉了
杯子很难受
便想把水倒出来...
水终于被倒出来
杯子感觉到很舒服,
但当杯子不小心掉在地上摔成碎片的那一刻
它猛然间的发现
每一片碎片上居然还留有水的痕迹
这时它才明白原来自己还是很爱水的
于是它想再完整地爱一次水
但却已经是不可能的
难道
一切的一切都只有到了失去才懂得
珍惜?

regret

regret?
yaup, a bit....
yesterday i sms her that only know
actually he treat her very good
coz he never call me before
maybe it just a friendship call
but i know is not
coz he asked me before:
what she like?
what present am i suppose to give her?
few days before she cried to me
though the phone
cry until can't talk
coz someone humiliate her
and i scold him never protect her
coz he is the leader for that drama
me and him
i think a month never talk adi
from i told him that i treat him actually more than friendship
few days before we sms back
it just because of her
yah,
i'm the one said wnat to help her
but why
now i'm the one who regret?
i know that me and him is never
and ever together
i know myself already put down
it just
no so happy that
he never know how special is him inside my heart.

Saturday, August 1, 2009

really don't know how to start....
yesterday i was so surprise that
he sms me back
he talk to me back
he told me that
he has a girl friend adi...
he said that his girl friend know me
know about our story when we were at secondary school
so now,
his girl friend has some miss understanding between me and him
unfortunately i don't know who is his girl friend
i really don't know what to do
but i'm sooo happy that he has a girl friend adi
really happy
coz i was make him sooooo sad and down the last whole year.
i do admit that he was treated me very good
but he just not my cup of tea
Beh, thanks
thank you forgive what i did to you last time...

next week is my last week posting in clinical area
after that
need to back to college and start my semester 3
yesterday night i had a meeting with my group girl
coz a lot of assignment waiting us to finish it
and my leader choose me to be GI leader
i afraid that i cannot do it well
coz i know that i'm not a good leader
but i do admit that i'm a good follower!!
yah,
a lot of assignment
all is about diseases
need to explain how is action of the drug
how is the pathophysiology
how is the clinical manifestation
and the worst part is
we need to be finish it before we all back to on block
it mean
we still have one week time to finish it
in this moment
i'm suppose study-ing for my pre-test
i'm suppose preparing for my assignment
not online-ing
but i'm soo sorry
i brain really cannot be function now...
i know that i cannot be sooooo emo and soooo easy get affect by others
but... haiz...
i promise
i will try my best
i really will try my best to finish all the thing

next week will go back to ipoh
but need to come back earlier
coz have meeting before we all start back to class
mummy said better don't come back
try to rest and finish assignment on that time
for me,
if last time,
sure i will agree
but this time
i cannot
coz i don't know
when will the next holiday come to let me back to ipoh
although just 2 days
no, not enough 2 days also
but i still need to go back
need to charged my battery before semester 3 start
feel like crying
coz i really don't like this...